So as you’ve probably seen across my social media and from the title – Kayne and I have announced our first pregnancy and we’re expecting a little bundle of joy in February 2019. We’re absolutely thrilled. We’ve been living in a little bubble the last 8 weeks or so.
Lots of people have asked us over the years when we’re going to have children, if we’re trying etc. But, we’ve always just brushed it off and had the ‘if it happens, it happens’ attitude because we didn’t want to announce to the world that we desperately wanted children and that we were trying, we barely told a soul, just in case. Purely because, you don’t know what your journey is going to be like, it could be short and easy, it could be long and difficult, we just didn’t know how it was going to play out.
Baby Holden… Who would’ve thought?
So, Kayne and I haven’t had the easiest road when it comes to trying to conceive for a wee baby. You might have seen my post in October giving a little life update. We had a weird one – my body was acting like it was pregnant but I actually wasn’t. It was a horrible, confusing time and it really messed with our heads. I posted that a couple months after it had all gone down. We both needed time to process what had happened. It’s actually mega scary to think that your body can almost betray you like that. I guess betray is the right word? I went into a proper dark place after. At this point, we’d been trying for about 5-6 months once we found out my body was just being a little prick.
Flash forward a few months and still nothing.
This was now reaching up to a year of us trying. It was at that point where every month, I’d come on my period and cry. I’d just sit on the toilet crying, thinking that there was 100% definitely something wrong with Kayne and I. We couldn’t quite understand it – we did everything that ‘experts’ recommended, we changed our lifestyle even more to try make this dream we had a reality.
After a year, we approached our doctors to see about possible routes we might need to take.
We were very bluntly told ‘keep trying, you’re not really a priority, if there’s still nothing by June/July, come back’. So that was their advice – keep trying. Which isn’t the most reassuring thing ever from the doctors because we wanted answers. We don’t smoke, we both stopped drinking (we weren’t big drinkers anyway), we were both active, we ate well etc. We felt really deflated about it all. I guess at this point, we just sorta accepted that we were going to be one of those couples who just couldn’t have children. But nevertheless, we continued to try – just incase.
I remember the week leading up to finding out very, very clearly. Like normal, I was crying because I was adamant that I had period cramps so therefore, I was going to come on any day. But, I’d been hammering ice lollies – specifically Vimto. Kayne thought this was all very weird and was being really positive. It made me angry how positive he was being because I just set myself up from disappointment again. I of course, lashed out at him for being so positive, I mean, how dare he be positive right? But, we’d agreed that if I came on my period that weekend (because my cycle is like clockwork) then we would ring the doctors up on the Monday to start getting some answers.
Kayne wouldn’t stop saying how he thinks I should take a test, so to shut him up and prove that I was right – that I wasn’t pregnant – I said sure, lets get a couple and see. Well, Kayne was very smug to say the least! Once we got in from our food shop, I went and took a test – I know you’re supposed to take them first thing in the morning but if you’re pregnant, you’re pregnant. As soon as I peed on that little stick – that line came almost instantly. I was in absolute shock, screamed for Kayne to come upstairs (he thought we had a code brown or code red situation with the cats – brown being explosive cat shit and red being Rupert having something he shouldn’t have). I just pointed to the test in shock and Kayne’s face was an absolute picture.
Neither of us believed it. Something we wanted for so long was there right in front of us. For once, I was glad that Kayne was right. Just to be sure that it wasn’t our minds playing tricks on us, I took a couple more tests and each one came back pregnant.
We got it confirmed with the doctors ASAP who worked out that by this point, I was roughly 4-5 weeks pregnant. We told our families almost instantly and all their reactions were everything we could’ve asked for and more. They’ve all been so supportive and I just know that this baby is going to be so loved already. I can’t ask for a better partner in Kayne, he’s been incredible so far, I haven’t had to lift a finger.
It’s been so, so difficult not to blurt it out on social media.
This is why I’ve taken a back seat on Twitter, Instagram and my blog incase I accidentally let slip. I’ve seen loads of people announce their pregnancies too, it’s been so hard not to say anything.
Anyway, in terms of the future of katie-middleton & Instagram, not much is going to change – except that I can now post regularly again! I’m still going to talk about beauty and lifestyle. I’m not going to change my blog into a mummy blog because that’s not why I started katie-middleton. But there’ll be Baby Holden updates here and there.
To be honest, I’m just super excited to share this journey with you all. I can finally say, that we’re going to be parents!
We actually worked out the dates wrong too, oops! We originally worked out a date of 5th March 2019, at our dating scan, we were given the date of 1st March 2019 and then when we saw the midwife after the scan, the date was changed again to February! So, obviously I wanted to be cool and get a photo of the cats with a ‘funny reaction’ to the announcement. Naturally, it’s difficult to get all three cats together, looking in the same place at the same time so this photo was taken prior the scan BUT no doubt the baby will be late anyway. You watch, the baby will be early now.