In all honesty, we’ve been so busy and in our own little world with it all, I almost forgot to write a post on it! So, if you follow me on social media, you would’ve seen our gender reveal video. It was honestly so amazing and overwhelming at the same time. We were both adamant that we were having a girl and my reaction is priceless and says it all really! But, we’ll get to that soon. I haven’t done an update on here since my first trimester which now seems soooo long ago.
We could have waited until our 20 week scan to find out and see him again but we want to have more scans anyway.
Kayne and I visited Window to the Womb Clinic in Doncaster for a well being & gender scan at 17 weeks and 3 days. I cannot recommend Window to the Womb enough. The whole team were fantastic and so welcoming. When we told them that we want to know what we’re having but find out at the same time as our family later that day, they were so discreet in arranging the confetti balloon and everything else. We had no idea at all.
The scan room was so calming, with dimmed lights (I think there was soothing music too if I remember rightly). TVs every where so you could see perfectly, no matter where you were sat. The ladies were absolute angels too. I couldn’t fault them. The scan was so in depth too, they showed us everything from all angles and when it came to looking at the genitals – they got us to cover our eyes so we didn’t see. In the scan, he was so active, it was so incredible. He was moving all over the place, stretching his legs, waving to us… Everything. They even commented on how active he was being!
I’ve been terrified throughout this pregnancy about certain things so to see him moving like that put my mind at ease. They played his heartbeat throughout the room and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry. It’s just so weird and fascinating to hear the heartbeat when they’re inside of you. Window to the Womb sell ‘heartbeat bears’ where you can get the heartbeat recorded and put it inside a teddy for you. Kayne said we should definitely get one, it’s a lovely keepsake to have and I agree.
Since then, we’ve had our 20 week scan.
The sonographer was really happy with his progress andeverything is developing perfectly. We had to go for a little walk to try and get him to move though, every time the sonographer tried to look at his head/brain/face – he would turn away! Judging by his cheeky ways in all the scans so far, we think we’re going to have our hands full! Everything measurement wise is coming up great barring his legs. His legs are above the average length for his current stage(?) but Kayne is super tall with really long legs so the sonographer said that he’s no doubt going to be a long baby and just takes after Kayne. This makes me think there’s not going to be much point buying newborn clothes because I really don’t think he’ll be in them for long!
So… The big reveal. At first, I was so shocked and didn’t know what to think.
Everything in my head, was telling me girl. Everyone around me, was telling me girl. I had planned everything around having a girl, thankfully – I was wise and didn’t purchase anything until we found out, just in case. Imagined what she would look like, just everything. So when we popped the balloon and it was blue confetti that came flying out, I just didn’t know how to feel inside. I was so shocked and overwhelmed, all I wanted was my Mum. Everyone was coming up to me, hugging me and congratulating me but I was just in auto-pilot mode. All the while looking straight at Mum across the garden. Obviously, I wanted Kayne too but his family was there with us and I didn’t want to take him away from them. It was just, wow. Overwhelming.
Once I got my head around it and processed everything. I became super excited.
Not that I was disappointed to find out we’re having a boy because I wasn’t. I feel so incredibly blessed that we’re actually having a baby after trying for so long. But, as I’ve said already – I was adamant we were having a girl and everything was leading me towards girl. It was just that I didn’t know how to feel really, when it’s the total opposite to what you initially thought. I think more than anything, I felt like a shit mum. My baby isn’t even here yet and already my instincts were wrong. It just made me feel really shit about myself. I cried that night and explained it all to Kayne and he lovingly (whilst also laughing at my crying face) reassured me. God, I’m lucky to have him.
My Grandparents couldn’t come to the reveal because my Grandad is very poorly and it would mean Grandma leaving him on his own. So, barring them not being present, we had everyone we wanted there at our reveal. After everyone left ours though, we quickly made our way to my Grandparents to give them their own little reveal. My Grandma was over the moon with her little teddy bear (we got her a white bear with a blue ribbon around its neck) and it was a really special moment. This is now their second Great Grandson (there’s already seven Great Granddaughters) so Grandma is really looking forward to it.
I’d be lying if I said that telling Grandad wasn’t an extremely hard, emotional experience.
** Since initially typing this out, my Grandad has sadly passed away. I was debating whether to take this whole section out but I’ve decided to keep it in here.
He’s nearing the end of his life and is permanently in his adapted bed. He’s not very alert anymore which breaks my heart (everything about it does to be honest). But, we spoke to him, I held his hand and showed him the scan picture. We told him that he was having a little Great Grandson and he did a little nod and tried to speak but it’s just too much energy for him now. I know that he is 100% excited and happy for us. It’s just… hard y’know? Seeing him this way. My biggest regret(?) in everything is not being able to fall pregnant sooner or not deciding to try sooner.
The reality that Grandad probably won’t meet him is just soul destroying. He’s been such a massive part of my life and we’re so close, I just hate it. I know though, that regardless of what the future has in store, whether Grandad is here or not when he arrives – is that he loves him dearly, and he’s incredibly happy for Kayne and I. He was one of the first people we told when we found out (he was a lot more alert back then) and he was beaming from ear to ear and crying. I also know that if he’s not here, that he’ll be his guardian angel. That got pretty personal and deep pretty quick didn’t it?
We’ve had a lot of people asking us if we have any names in mind.
We have chosen his name already and it’s so perfect. It’s a name we wouldn’t have ever thought of off the top of our heads because it’s not a name you ever really hear. Kayne thought of it flippantly, I said yeah that’s really nice, I like it. Then nothing more was said of it. It just so happened that Hayley (aka Auntie Hayley) suggested the name and after Kayne and I spoke about it again, we decided that it was definitely going to be his name. It’s so cute, unique and just so beautiful. With the last name Holden, it has the nicest ring to it and I can’t wait to officially share his name, which we’re keeping under wraps until he’s born. Of course, our family know and close friends but no one else.
I feel him move on a regular basis now too!
When I first felt him move, I proper freaked out. I didn’t know what the hell was going on because it wasn’t a little ‘flutter’ like everyone says. Oh no, it was like he was bloody swimming for an Olympic medal! But, since learning that it’s just him moving around in there, I’ve become tuned(?) almost to his movements. It’s magical feeling him move and he always moves/dances around when Kayne gets in from work and he hears his voice.
When he’s a bit bigger it’s going to be a nightmare I can tell! My insides will be black and blue. Kayne hasn’t yet felt/seen him move which he’s gutted about but there’s plenty of time still! It’s early days I suppose and I have an anterior placenta so apparently it’s normal to not see movements until later. A lot of people seem surprised when I say that I feel him move several times a day and have done since I hit 15 weeks but every pregnancy is different I guess!
I just realised this has been one long ass post but I hope you liked the updates either way!
I want to share as much as possible of this pregnancy because we’re both just so incredibly excited. I’m sure you guys understand. I’m going to get brave soon and do some proper bump photos with my camera. So far it’s been bump pictures in my PJS/underwear and my bedroom mirror!
Make sure you check out my last post on how to have the perfect cosy night in (AD)! Or why not check out my last pregnancy related post all about Baboo Box which is a pregnancy subscription box service!
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