It doesn’t seem five minutes since I typed out my Goodbye 2017 post… The years really do fly by don’t they? So, without further a due, Goodbye 2018!
2018 has probably been the weirdest year ever for me. I’ve had so much happiness but then so much sadness all in one go. It’s weird, I feel guilty for being happy sometimes given what’s gone on in the year in personal life and across the world in general.
So, let’s start with the shit stuff.
Death. So much death has been around us this year. It’s shit. Really shit. Kayne has had a lot of death in his family over the years but in the space of 7 months, his side lost more than one family member. I’m not going to go into it because it’s not my place but it never gets any easier, no matter how many times you hear those words, it hits you just as hard each time.
They didn’t deserve it. Kayne’s family don’t deserve to have happen to them what has happened. Life is so unpredictable and cruel and sometimes, you don’t really know why. Sometimes, you don’t ever get an answer, sometimes it’s just one of those things where all you can do is wonder why. I just hope that one day, Kayne’s family will find peace.
I experienced death in my family for the first time this year.
As you all know, my Grandad passed away on the 18th October 2018. This is the first death in our immediate family. I feel incredibly lucky to not have had anyone really close to me pass away until this point but I still feel so angry that this had to happen. That’s the thing with life, it’s so unpredictable, you literally don’t know what is around the corner.
There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about him. It hurts so bad to even think about how I’ll never see him in person again. I would do anything to have even just a five minute conversation with him. To just hold his hand, hear him sing, see his smile. It’s hard, losing a family member and it feels even harder to lose someone who was like a second Dad to you. We were so incredibly close to my Grandad growing up and in the later stages of his life. I just wish I got more time with him.
The main thing to take away from his death is that he is now free. He’s no longer in pain, no more will he be bed bound, dependent on everyone. Instead, when I think of him now up there (whether you believe in Heaven or not) he is standing tall and proud, he is walking and he is happy. That’s one of the few ways I’m finding myself coping with his death. By thinking of the ‘positive’ side of it. I just hope that he is watching over us all and that he is proud of me. The tears are flowing now. Every time I think I can handle talking about Grandad, I find myself in a state of shock, sadness and a puddle of tears. My Guardian Angel. I love you and miss you everyday.
Now, some good stuff actually happened in 2018!
The most obvious one being that we FINALLY fell pregnant! After what felt like forever in trying and feeling pretty close to giving up, it finally happened. I still remember seeing the results of the test as if it was yesterday. We just can’t believe that it finally happened for us.
I definitely think we did the right thing by not telling people we were trying, I don’t think I could’ve coped with the stress of every month being asked ”OOOOOOH, HAS IT HAPPENED YET?!” Since it definitely wasn’t easy for us. But, you can read all about that in my pregnancy posts!
Our bundle of joy will soon be here and we couldn’t be more excited. We have everything ready (barring his nursery which is a work in progress) – it’s just a case of putting stuff together. Kayne is so ready to be a Dad and to see how excited he’s been throughout this pregnancy and so hands on with everything – it makes me even more eager to see what he’s like when Baby Holden finally arrives! I definitely couldn’t have got through this pregnancy without him by my side. He’s been an angel.
We’re just so excited to have him in our arms at last. I can’t wait to see who he looks like, find out what his personality is, to touch him and to smell him. Just all of it. We put the moses basket in the living room yesterday to give the cats a little sniff for a bit (slowly introducing them to Baby Holden’s bits and bobs) and it all just felt SO real, scarily real but also exciting at the same time. The countdown is on!
The house renovating has been huge this year too.
We’ve been so busy getting all the rooms sorted that we didn’t even realise until the other week that the only room in its ‘original’ state to when we moved in is the kitchen! The kitchen is going to be a big one with a possible extension as it’s quite a small kitchen. So, we’re hanging fire until Baby Holden is here and at least one years old. Whilst the kitchen isn’t necessarily to our taste, it does the job. Plus, everything works fine in there which is the main thing.
We have absolutely smashed it this year in getting the rooms to how we want. There’s something so satisfying about being able to rip out rooms and put them back together again, exactly how you have it in your head.
I’d by lying if I said it hadn’t been stressful. This house has come with a few problems (which we uncovered during the renovating process) but thankfully, it’s all been stuff we’ve been able to amend. This year alone, we’ve completed the living area, garden, conservatory, front bedroom and Kayne’s gaming room. I do like to set ourselves challenges.
In September, I decided I totally wanted to redo the living room and dining area (it’s one large open plan through room) but I wanted it finishing by the end of November. Sounds easy enough right? Two months, loads of time right? Wrong. Kayne and I both work full time and Kayne doesn’t have the nicest work hours. So, we were pretty much limited to weekends only. My midwife said I can’t go up the ladders or anything either so I was really limited to what I could and couldn’t do in the weekdays on my own.
The flooring we were changing to, wasn’t in stock anymore at B&Q so we had to pick another which I obviously cried over.
When we stripped the walls, we uncovered the most hellish of walls and mess underneath. It meant we had to get it all plastered. I wanted wires removing and hiding, basically – new everything. To the point where on the last Sunday of November, Kayne, my brother and I were decorating until 10pm to get it all finished in time for my deadline. But, it’s all been worth it. The room looks totally different and looks absolutely stunning. We have a few final pieces to sort out, such as a built in cabinet/shelf but that will have to wait until money allows.
Don’t even get me started on social media and my blog. God, what a crap year it’s been. I just lost all my love for it all. Everything with my blog and social just seemed so irrelevant? Plus, the whole toxic atmosphere that’s been floating around on there for a few months is enough to put anyone off. People just suck don’t they? I learnt that the mute and unfollow button can be such a godsend.
Alongside the whole botting/buying followers gate…
I still can’t believe that people are doing this. It’s annoying, it’s unfair and personally, puts me off them as a person. I see so many people who I used to admire doing it still and I just don’t want to support them anymore. If their genuine followers aren’t enough for them. The ones who’s supported them from day one, then I think it speaks volumes that they have to resort to fake followers to even feel some ‘worth’ or to look cool with numbers, just to have the swipe up feature on Instagram. It’s a huge no from me.
As for blogging, I don’t know anymore. I just don’t enjoy it as much. I feel like no matter how much work you put into something, if you don’t have the certain ‘vibe’ then people aren’t interested. My blog took a back seat anyway because of the the shit that’s gone on this year, my head hasn’t been in the game. I didn’t want to produce half-arsed content. I wanted to produce content that I felt happy with. I’ve been too busy this year too. I’ve been focussing on other things in my life. Hopefully, next year when I’m on maternity leave, I’ll feel a bit better about my blog. I do intend on writing a lot more next year with a lot of baby and home content involved! Does this mean a new direction for Katie-Middleton? Who knows?
Now, we’re reaching the end of 2018 (today being the final day) things seem to be falling into place just nicely.
I am glad to see the back end of 2018, it’s been a really shit year but in other ways, it’s been one of the best for us. It’s hard to level up the bad and good. . But you just can’t control these things. Life is unpredictable and you have to take the good with the bad. You have to make each moment count and that’s what I plan on doing more of in 2019.