This is my last pregnancy diaries post! I feel kinda sad as I type this because it means that my pregnancy is reaching it’s end.
I’ve absolutely loved this pregnancy, despite the minor hiccups along the way and the two deaths that I’ve encountered in such a short space of time. It’s been a really, really nice pregnancy. Do I dare get my hopes up for a ‘nice’ labour too? Nah, I’m going to keep telling myself otherwise so then I can be pleasantly surprised (hopefully).
When I fell pregnant, I wasn’t really sure what to expect.
I just sort of presumed I’d have a rough pregnancy because so many people do, so if I was to follow suit and be sick everyday, unable to sleep from week 20 and everything else, then I wouldn’t feel sad. Maybe that’s helped my perspective and made me actually enjoy my pregnancy more than I expected.
There’s not really much to update you all on!
Since week 31, it’s just been a case of getting everything ready for Baby Holden’s arrival. The nursery is finally complete and it looks absolutely stunning. It’s currently my favourite room in the house! I’ll do a blog post on the full nursery (minus a couple areas of the room as it has his name there and we’re keeping it a secret until he arrives!). But if you follow me on Instagram, you would have seen the nursery wall that Kayne’s cousin painted for us. I can’t believe how incredible it looks and how talented he is.
At first, the nursery was going to be Pixar Up theme with hot air balloons. But, after having a nosey online for decor and accessories… I fell in love with the idea of mountains and wilderness. Plus, our house has a ‘woodland/rustic’ kinda vibe to it anyway. So, it just seemed fitting to match the nursery in with it too. Plus, there’s something about mountains that are just incredibly calming and has a peaceful vibe to it.
Kayne’s cousin had actually just come back from his honeymoon in Canada. So the wall is a combination of his honeymoon snaps photoshopped together to create the image we have on our wall! Just amazing right?
I’ve had to continue with my growth scans. Just to be on the safe side but everything is perfect with Baby Holden.
I had an extra last minute scan as the midwife was adamant that he had stopped growing and was now breech. So I had to have a scan to get all this confirmed. Anyway, the scan confirmed that if anything, he was not breech and his growth was still increasing. Admittedly, it had slowed down a little bit but he was still growing. I knew he wasn’t breech, the midwife was 100% grabbing lil baby Holden’s butt and not his head like I said. The tape measurements that they do, I think can be super inaccurate anyway so I wasn’t worried, it was just a bonus that we got to see him again!
At the scan three weeks ago, he was weighing at roughly 6lbs 3oz (eeek). His legs are still super long, so he takes after Kayne there! We’ve just had our final scan at 38 weeks. It’s just the case of playing the waiting game now. I just can’t wait to hold him for the first time. The weight (6lbs 15oz) on the most recent scan is a good idea of what we’re guessing – we’re all placing bets and I want to win!
My hospital bag is pretty much packed and ready to go.
I’m just waiting on a couple deliveries but then once they’re here – I’ll be good to go! I’m really hoping that I won’t be in hospital long. Literally, I’m hoping to be in and out on the same day but I know that’s not always possible and if I have to stay in, then I have to stay in. So, I’ve packed for around 3-4 days worth *just incase*. I mean, if I am able to come out on the same day then that’ll be amazing. Hospitals really stress me out but thankfully, Kayne is able to stay with me the entire time so that’ll put me at ease. It’ll just be the home comforts and routine that I’ll be missing and stressing over.
There’s been a lot of stress over the last four weeks.
With my Dad suddenly passing away a month ago (that seems so alien to type and sad that it’s been a month already). It’s been so incredibly hard. It’s been a bittersweet situation being pregnant when this has happened. I’ve been so upset and grieving for my Dad but then I’m so happy about becoming a Mum in just a couple of weeks. I feel guilty for being happy but then guilty for being sad.
I know that my Dad would want me to be happy but it’s so hard. He was so looking forward to becoming a Grandad. It’s a curse and a blessing to lose someone so close to you whilst your pregnant. You can’t be selfish with your actions – I don’t want to eat or anything but I KNOW that I have to because of Baby Holden. So, I’ve been going through the motions of my day. Eating, drinking, looking after myself because I have to… Not because I want to. If it wasn’t for having a little human inside me, I know that I would’ve gone off the rails, fact.
All I can do is try and keep myself as ‘unstressed’ as possible and put Baby Holden first. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared about how I’m going to be mentally after he’s born. Your hormones tend to be all over the place anyway but with my Dad’s passing, I just hope it doesn’t mess with my head too much. Just got to take one day at a time I guess. Thankfully, I have a wonderful family unit around me who I know will help me get through it.
Apart from the deaths in my family since being pregnant, as I said at the start, I really have enjoyed being pregnant.
It seems to have been a really nice, chilled pregnancy. Please don’t think I’m bragging, but I feel like I’ve coped with pregnancy really well. People have told me that I look glowing (even at times when I really haven’t felt like it) and people have been nothing but complimentary of how I’ve handled pregnancy and everything that comes with it. Especially given that I lost my Grandad and Dad within 3 months of each other.
Again, this isn’t me bragging at all. This is just how I feel I’ve been in this pregnancy. Kayne admitted the other day to me that he thought I was going to be a little demon over the last 9 months and he’s surprised at how great I’ve been *I feel smug asf*. So that was a huge ego boost for me because I had been a little worried myself on whether I’d be a massive bitch or not.
Honestly, apart from the tiny bit of morning sickness in the first trimester (where my maximum sickness was 15-20 times, just more nausea than anything) I’ve only actually been sick a further 5 times since. The majority over December when I was poorly anyway and running around like a headless chicken at work. The only other time was just the other week, it was like morning sickness came to bite me in the ass with vengeance. 1 out of 10, do not recommend. Hopefully that’s the last of it.
I don’t feel as uncomfortable as I expected to, to be honest.
Whether that’s going to hit me like a tonne of bricks in the last couple weeks, who knows? I have admittedly struggled to sleep at night but I think that’s mostly down to my brain being in overdrive, thinking about my Dad.
Sure, my hips are a little bit achey and sometimes when I walk, it feels like my innards are going to fall out through my fanny at any minute (only when he’s laid awkwardly though). But it’s not making my day to day life come to a grinding halt, praise the Lord.
I will not miss the unsolicited bump rubs though… Why do people think that they can just go around stroking anyones bump? Honestly, it pisses me off so much, I hate it. At both my Grandad’s and Dad’s funeral, so many people tried to or successfully stroked my belly (who I didn’t necessarily know) and it really got to me. Even when I was at work, random customers would do it. I don’t mind people touching if they ask (and I know them) or if I ask them. But if it’s just a random grab, it really cheeses me off. Random people don’t go bloody rubbing Kayne’s balls do they, so why go rub my belly? Ha.
One thing I am dreading the return of are my migraines.
After week 16ish, my migraines went away altogether. The first time I’ve not suffered from migraines in 8 years. I had got used to having migraines on a weekly basis so it’s been very weird (but also fricking amazing) to not have them. I’ve had headaches and stuff but I can handle those. Let’s hope that they don’t return, or if they do – they’re rare.
I’ll miss my bump so much. Partially because whilst Baby Holden is in my belly, I feel like he’s 100% safe from any harm but when he’s born it’ll be a different ball game. But I’ll also miss my bump because it’s just been a cute ol’ bump and I’ve also mastered the art of balancing milkshake on him. Winning all round.
To be honest, we’re just ready to meet him now.
Whether he decides to make an appearance tomorrow, in 3 days time or in 19 days time – only time will tell. We just can’t wait to finally have him in our arms and start the next chapter in our life together. Baby Holden has been a long time coming.