Here’s my birth story and how Buddy came into the world.
You might want to grab a drink for this, it’s going to be long. Whether you want to grab a snack or not… I’ll leave that up to you to decide. Buddy certainly made his entrance into the world, that’s for sure. This post on my birth story has been sat in my drafts forever but after posting on Twitter, so many people said they’d want to read it and see another person’s experiences… so here we go, my birth story…
Now, as birth stories go – there are so many out there that are massively positive. I wouldn’t say that this was horrifically traumatic but it wasn’t positive either. It was bloody long and hard. It was everything that came after my labour that I would say was the most traumatic. PS – all these photos are from our phones, nothing glam. Just me looking like a twat in labour… Enjoy! There’s one photo of the first time I held Buddy that I won’t be sharing because 1. My boobs are out. 2. It’s very personal to me and Kayne. 3. It literally went tits up after that so I don’t really have fond memories of the photo. I love it, but it makes me so sad. Just one of those things that I’m not ready to share.
Now, as everyone knows – I was massively overdue (ty Buddy).
Everything that ‘should’ work, didn’t. Raspberry leaf tea? Nope. Pineapple? Nah. Long walks? Nope. Hot curries? No, it just stung my bumhole the next day. Not even sex worked and it’s not bloody easy trying to have sex when you’re that pregnant! So when people are telling you to do all these things, just ignore them because it really didn’t make a difference for me. I think it’s a bunch of old wive’s tales personally and it’s just annoying hearing it all the time.
Anyway on Monday 11th March, I was booked in to be induced, something that I really, really didn’t want to happen.
I had heard from so many people who said that induced labours were 100x worse than natural ones. Stupidly, I’d also looked up on google induced labour experiences and that obviously gave me 21232 horror stories too. I tried to take it in my stride though and to not let it phase me. After all, everyone’s labour experiences and births are different right?
I was induced at around 10.00pm and was told my cervix was very unfavourable.
Which is just lovely right? My damn cervix. So as soon as the pessary tablet was put in, I was told that they would probably need to repeat the process 2-3 more times. Not gonna lie – that was a little bit deflating. I wished with all my might that I would just need the one pessary tablet and things would start to happen.
So I got my bloody wish didn’t I?
Come 1.00am Tuesday morning, I started to have contractions and bugger me, those things hurt don’t they? They didn’t have any certain time frame to them at this point. But, they were fairly frequent and painful enough to not let me get a wink of sleep. Fast forward to the morning, they were coming in quicker and quicker – around every 2-3 minutes. We were starting to get excited!
It got to around 1-2pm on Tuesday and my contractions were now lasting 2 minutes with 30 seconds maximum in between of ‘relief’. The midwife was so kind. I begged her to examine me to see how far I was, thinking I had to be at least 6cm by this point (lol). She examined me and I was 2cm… 2 fricking cm. TWO!!! I cried so much because the pain was just something else and I really hoped I was further along. I must’ve looked so stupid. But bear in mind, I had no form of pain relief at all because I vomited everything back up and not far enough along to have other forms of relief.
Having a bath didn’t help, I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t keep anything down, nothing.
I was basically stuck on the bed. They tried to encourage me to get up and walk. But, even just trying to walk 10 steps to the bathroom was horrific. I’m pretty sure I got stuck on the toilet for an hour because the contractions were that intense.
Honestly, I don’t know how people can walk around in labour because I physically couldn’t do anything on my own. It was like my body had shut down. I was having to physically grab my legs to move them to get me to walk and at one point, Kayne carried to me the toilet because like I said – I felt like my body had shut down. I don’t know whether I was like this because I was induced or if I would’ve been like that anyway IF I had gone into labour naturally. Who knows? It was quite scary though, not having control of my own body.
Anyway, moving on to about 4pm on Tuesday – I begged the midwife to examine me again because I just HAD to have progressed a little bit. Not gonna lie, I felt like a whiney bitch and the midwife probably thought the same, but she didn’t let on and like I said, she was LOVELY. The midwife then confirmed that I was 4cm dilated. This meant that I was now in ‘active labour’ and was allowed pain relief. Without hesitation I asked for the gas and air to see how I got on with that. Bloody hell, gas and air is incredible stuff. There’s many videos and photos on my phone of me on the stuff, they’re interesting to say the least… As I say in one video ‘It’s like being drunk on the best f*cking prosecco in the world’.
Fast forward a couple more hours…
**I just want to clarify, I wanted to avoid an epidural because the whole idea of it terrifies me. Not because I think it’s a kop out. I think the midwife was just being kind as I’m guessing quite a lot of women feel that way when they have an epidural and thought that was how I was feeling.**
So yeah, diamorphine mixed with gas and air and a TENS machine were literally the best thing since sliced bread. I was absolutely off my rocker and felt like I could finally function again. I even managed to guzzle about 2 pints of water in 10 minutes. The night team then came along and the night shift midwife was amazing. She stayed with us the entire time and we spent the next 5-6 hours chatting away, watching CoCo and Moana. Quite a different experience to the last however many hours it’d been.
But of course, I had to vomit again.
I thought I might be safe to have something to eat since it’d been a few hours since I last vomited but nope. I missed the sick bowl entirely, vomited on the midwife, on me, the bed and the monitors. Just everywhere. I had originally packed 3-4 days worth of clothes, I ended up going through all the nightwear during my labour from the vomiting.
Anyway, going back to it, CoCo now holds a very special place in our hearts. We watched it during my labour – sang along (I did, not Kayne), laughed and cried to it. Another reason why it’s special to us is because when I was pregnant, Buddy loved dancing to the music. Especially Un Poco Loco and Remember Me. It felt like we had been on this very ‘weird’ journey I guess with the film so it means a lot to both Kayne and I now.
So after a chilled few hours and the pain being bearable,
I was examined again at around 10.30-11.00pm and by this point I was 9cm with just a teeny tiny bit of cervix(?) left – it was almost time to push! My waters still hadn’t broke by this point. In the end, they broke my waters just before midnight and it was just a case of the waiting game now.
At around 12.30-1.00am on Wednesday, it was time to get pushing…
Annoyingly, my contractions started to slow down so instead of having 4-5 in a 10 minute gap like I was supposed to (don’t hold me to that), I was only having 2-3, if that. So of course, those constant contractions just stopped altogether, when I needed them the most! But even with the contractions slowing right down, my body was just aching constantly so I didn’t actually know when I was contracting. I only knew because of the machine. Every time I pushed, Buddy made his way down but would then creep back up slightly. So this meant I was having to work extra hard. So hard, that I shit several times. Every time… ”OH GOD, IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN. I AM SO SORRY FOR MY SHIT”. Followed by 5 minutes of apologies for shitting in labour, something that happens to nearly every one.
In the end, I had a cannula and was on a drip to try help me along.
I accidentally ripped it out – sweaty asf, pushing as hard as I could and the fact it was in my left hand (I’m a leftie) probably didn’t help. They gave me a two hour(?) window for pushing and I was very close to having to have assisted delivery – be it a c-section, forceps or cap on the babies head (think it’s a ventoose, I was born that way) or whatever else. The only reason why I didn’t have either of those was because they could literally SEE his head and basically crowning. It was just taking a longgg time.
After a fire on my vagina, his head was finally out (thank GOD).
Weirdly, when it comes to pushing and you know the end is near, you get this huge buzz and adrenaline takes over your body. As soon as they said his head was almost out, I got this strength that I didn’t know I had and pushed as if my life depended on it. I don’t even remember how much pain I was in at this point because I just wanted to get Buddy out and into my arms. Literally though, every time I pushed, I must’ve been pushing hard because I couldn’t hear or see a thing. The whole room went black and silent.
Then it was one more massive push, where I used every inch of my body and strength, he was here. At 3.30am on Wednesday 13th March, Buddy was finally born. At last. We were a family of three, we were now parents.
This is sadly where it all went wrong.
Suddenly, it went from Kayne, myself and two midwives – to a room full of people. Specialists, doctors, more midwives. I think it went from 5 of us (including Buddy) to about 12+ people easily. It was so scary, they were behind the curtain and speaking in hushed voices, Kayne was standing behind them, watching over Buddy. People rushing in and out of our room. Talking in these fancy medical terms, preparations being made for Buddy…
A doctor from NICU soon told us both that he has to go up in an incubator for testing as they suspected a respiratory disease.
I couldn’t go anywhere because I was bleeding really badly and I’d also torn badly so I needed stitches. Kayne didn’t want to leave me but I told him to go up with Buddy.
Not to mention, my placenta was taking longer than they hoped to be delivered, even with the injection to help it along. I don’t even remember how or when it came out, I just remember feeling it being dragged out of me. The midwives checked it all out and said that my placenta had pretty much packed in, there was a fancy name for it but I can’t remember. They just said it was extremely bad. I made Kayne take a photo of my placenta… Why? I don’t know but I did. I also took a photo of my vagina post birth. Again, don’t ask why – I was out of it and wanted to see how messed up it looked haha!
After an hour or so, Kayne came back down to check on me and to give me an update.
I didn’t think about it at the time but looking back, I can’t imagine how traumatic it must’ve been for Kayne. He’s quite a closed book and doesn’t deal well with stress, worrying etc very well at all. It would’ve been awful for him seeing his newborn son in an incubator, preparing for 101 tests, a breathing tube and wires everywhere. Kayne never actually got to hold him until the following evening.
My labour wasn’t *massively* traumatic, it was just very intense. It was everything that happened when Buddy arrived that was traumatic for me.
I can’t fault any of the midwives and nurses that looked after us and Buddy – during labour and after. They were all absolutely incredible and so kind. I know many women who have terrible encounters with midwives so I feel super lucky to not experience what they did. As for Buddy, well – he certainly made his appearance into the world but he is doing well and thriving. We can’t really ask for more than that can we? I have a saggy tummy, a ruined vagina and wrinkly tits but we a beautiful healthy baby boy, I guess it sorta weighs itself up right?
So… Yeah there we go. I guess that’s my birth story. I’ll post about our week in NICU/neo natal soon – this is where I’ll talk more about what was actually up with Buddy and our experience up there. But, I hope it wasn’t too boring for you to read and that the photos/videos gave you a bit of a laugh. Check out Buddy’s arrival announcement post here!
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